I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a high diving board for the first time. My heart is racing as I contemplate taking the long descent into the deep end of the pool. I feel passionately that it’s time for me to take a giant leap of faith and do something new and creative in the second half of my life. I’ve spent the past 30 years focused on healing the limiting beliefs that took root during my turbulent childhood. One of the biggest pieces of that healing was learning how to make peace with my 5 year old inner critic by bringing her fears out of the shadows and into the light. Over the past 30 years, I’ve spent countless hours in counseling sessions, spiritual classes, support groups, church services, and anything that sounded like it would help me to heal anything that was preventing me from feeling happy and whole.
As I peeled back each layer of fear and limiting beliefs, I began to get more and more aligned with my authentic self. I began to experience increasing feelings of immense joy and wholeness. Those incredible feelings constantly propelled me forward on my journey – motivating me to come face to face with every fear that presented itself to me.
I stopped playing victim to the painful events of my past. I realized that being a victim kept me stuck in the past and powerless to create the joyful life that I longed for with my entire heart and soul. Being the victim kept me shackled to anger, resentments and people from my past. In order to transform my life, I realized that I had to forgive many people. Yes, I experienced some awful things in my life at the hands of others and myself, but holding onto anger and resentment wasn’t hurting “them”; it was hurting me.
Amazingly, when I stopped believing I was a victim and started taking responsibility to create the joyful life I craved, I found it easy to forgive those that I believed had victimized me. I felt like my heart opened wide and finally had the space in it to allow joy and pump that joy through my veins and into my cells. It felt like a rebirth to start experiencing joy as a constant state of being, rather than a fleeting feeling.
Now, at 49 years old, I can no longer ignore the burning questions of the voice inside of me that asks, “Now what are you going to do with all of this knowledge? Are you going to stay small and keep it for yourself or are you going to answer your calling to support others in healing all that blocks them from experiencing bliss in their daily lives?” The questions coming from my still, small voice are not new to me. In May of 1997, I attended a spiritual women’s retreat on Vashon Island, Washington. While there I felt so much joy and so connected to Spirit that it permeated my entire being. I vividly remember sitting on a bluff overlooking the Puget Sound journaling. I wrote that I never dreamt it was possible to feel the way I felt at that moment. I exclaimed very matter-of-factly to myself, “I want to be a facilitator that helps support people in healing so that they can discover this intense joy that I am feeling right now.” It was a feeling so blissful that I can’t find the words to describe it, but I knew that it was a feeling that I wanted to feel in unlimited quantities.
It is 18 years following my epiphany on Vashon Island and the voice of the calling is getting louder. To ignore it is not an option. So, here I am standing on the edge of that high diving board feeling vulnerable, afraid, and excited, as I take a giant leap of faith and dive in, headfirst to this big deep pool of the unknown.