“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~ Paulo Coelho

How often do you feel overcommitted, overwhelmed, overworked, and completely overstressed?

I have talked with several people lately who tell me they are stressed out, exhausted, and feel completely depleted. They feel scattered and pulled in a million different directions because it doesn’t feel like their time belongs to them.

I have been there many times in the past. I felt resentful of all the people, activities, and obligations that dominated my time and energy. Looking back on it now I have to laugh that I was resentful of others. The reason my time was hijacked was because I couldn’t say, “no”. I did it to myself.

No. It’s such a small word, yet why do so many of us find it almost impossible to say?

What do we believe it means about us if we say no to others? Your answer may be different than mine. I encourage you to go within to discover what belief you have about yourself if you have trouble saying, “no”.

For me, I had a need to have others like and approve of me. If I said no, I might get judged as being inflexible, antisocial, not a team player, or selfish. I was unwilling to risk those judgments, so my schedule was filled with events that I didn’t want to attend and tasks I didn’t want to be doing. Yep. I was the one responsible for my time being consumed with things I didn’t want to be doing because I needed others to like me.

In other words, I put others before me and completely abandoned myself. Ouch. That realization was a bitter pill to swallow. I was physically and mentally exhausted and I began having colitis symptoms.

I believe that many physical illnesses are the manifestation of limiting thoughts and beliefs we have. The physical illness that presented itself as colitis got my attention. It was an effective messenger that was the catalyst for me to decide that something within had to change.

So, how did I find my way back to myself, begin to honor my heart’s desires, and take charge of my time?

First, and foremost, I had to get honest with myself about my ego’s desire to want others to like me. I intrinsically know I am a unique expression of God in human form. So, I AM Love and Loved. It is my ego who believes it has to earn worthiness.

It was an easy shift for me to make. It simply required I turn my attention to my oneness with Spirit and away from my ego. From that place I don’t need anyone else to love or approve of me because I AM Love. My biggest challenge is staying conscious of my thoughts so that I can become aware of when I allow my ego to take the driver’s seat.

After I made that huge shift it became much easier to say no. I learned to slow down and go inside to check in with myself before answering when someone asked me to do something. I almost always immediately know if it’s a “yes” or a “no” for me by focusing my attention on my stomach and heart.

If my answer is no, I politely say “no”, wish the person well, and thank them for the invitation.

I am also clear that if my no isn’t well received by the other person, that its their issue and its not about me. I no longer allow their feelings or opinions about me invalidate my worthiness. As Polonius in Hamlet said, “To thine own self be true.”

The colitis? Gone. Poof. Magic. It cleared as soon as I started honoring my truth by learning how to say, “no”.

Also, by learning to say no, I show up authentically in my relationships because my “YES” is a yes from my heart. That is a scenario where everyone wins.

It’s empowering to look at my calendar and know the events scheduled are things I consciously, willingly, and happily said, “YES!” to doing. I love seeing several days in a row where there is nothing on my calendar. By saying no to others, I say “yes” to myself.

That is a beautiful act of Self Love.

Try it. You deserve it. Your Spirit longs for you to be true to yourself.