My heart is overflowing with gratitude this Monday morning. As I do every morning before I get out of bed, I started my day thanking God for another day.
This day is extremely special to me and one I feared I would never see. My son celebrates 90 days of being clean from drugs and alcohol today. He has battled the disease of addiction for 11 years.
I am a grateful mom.
My journey with my son’s addiction was one filled with fear. Fear that he would end up in prison. Fear that he would die. Fear that he would hurt someone else. Fear he wouldn’t be there to help raise his precious son.
Being the mom of an addict taught me many things.
I learned that I have no control over anything other than how I choose to respond to the things that happen outside of my control.
I learned that he is a soul on his own journey and no amount of begging, pleading, bargaining, or tough love that I exercised with him would be effective in getting him to stop using drugs.
I learned the power of surrender.
Through surrendering him to God, I found peace. I surrendered my fears and came to accept the fact that he might die, he might go to prison, or he might hurt someone else. I couldn’t prevent any of those things from happening. His path is between God and him.
My path is between God and me. I was not going to allow my fears about my son prevent me from experiencing peace, and even joy. I learned that in the midst of life’s most painful moments I could stay tethered to Spirit. That conscious connection allowed me to experience feelings of joy, even in the darkest moments.
The truth is we are always tethered to Spirit – whether we consciously focus on that connection or not.
We can focus on our fears, give them power over us, and live from our ego mind. Or we can focus on the truth that we are never separate from God and experience joy in the midst of life’s painful moments.
It’s easy to feel our connection to Spirit when we look into our lover’s eyes and all feels right in the world. But, it takes conscious effort to surrender the things that cause us deep pain and trust that we are safe, we are loved, and God is in the midst of our pain.
Oftentimes, its in our darkest moments that we realize we are powerless to change a situation so we finally surrender it. Once we do, we feel peace wash over us. By surrendering and getting out of the way, we allow God’s miracles to unfold.
It is a miracle to celebrate my son being clean for 90 days today. His addiction brought me to my knees in prayer countless times. I can’t tell you how many times I surrendered his path to God and then realized I was overtaken by fear again. My fear returned because I tried to take the reins back and take control of his soul’s path. Then I would surrender him again.
It was a dance between fear and faith.
I encourage you to take an honest look at your life and see if there is a place you could let go and let God so that you can experience deep peace.