I’ve been busy…doing, doing, doing.
I was supposed to go visit a dear friend today. We had plans to spend the next four days together having a painting retreat.
We had both been looking forward to this time together for months. She lives in Oklahoma and I live in Dallas.
I spent all day yesterday getting ready to go. I did laundry, paid the bills, ran errands, and packed my art supplies in my car.
My friend called last night as I was getting ready for bed. She said she had a family emergency that she had to attend to and needed to cancel our plans.
We were both disappointed. Again, I am reminded of John Lennon’s quote, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
Yep.
So, now what do I do with these four days that I’ve cleared to paint with my friend?
After we hung up, I informed my husband that I had cleared the time and I was going to paint for the next four days, dammit. He said, “Go for it.”
This morning, like most mornings, I got up early to eat breakfast with him.
After he left for work I got on my computer and started reading email. Before I knew it I told myself that I couldn’t paint until I wrote and posted a new blog post. After all, just last week I told myself I was going to write a new blog post every week.
An important part of this story is to tell you that I haven’t painted since we sold our home and moved into a rental in May.
I’ve been busy.
Once we moved into our rental house, I had to nest and settle into it.
Since my step dad passed away, I’ve been helping my mom de-clutter and pack up her house to get it ready to sell.
I’ve been studying and traveling for my EGCMethod® trainings.
I’ve been working on designing our next house in Santa Fe.
The list goes on and on and on. You get my drift.
I’ve been busy.
Recently I’ve had the desire to paint…like a lot. But I kept telling myself that I didn’t have time to paint because I’ve got too much on my plate and I can’t do it all. Other than my painting retreat with my friend in November, painting would have to wait.
I shared this with my coach and she laughed at me. The nerve. Seriously. She laughed at me.
She said, “Lyn, your soul clearly wants to paint and you are coming up with all sorts of reasons why you can’t paint.”
I told her when I paint I get so caught up in the moment that hours vanished and I didn’t have time to lose hours. Then I listed all the things that took precedence over painting.
It was logical to me and I told her, “Besides, I am going on a painting retreat next month and I will paint for four days!”
She told me to put my soul in an empty chair and ask it if waiting for another month to paint was soon enough for it. (The empty chair is a Gestalt therapy technique that helps clients discover and integrate all parts of self for wholeness. It is a wonderful coaching tool that I am learning in my EGCM studies.)
I didn’t do it because my soul had to understand that I had too much on my plate and it would get it’s turn to paint soon enough.
So back to today and telling myself that I couldn’t paint until after I wrote a new blog post.
Guess what?
I was blocked. I couldn’t decide what to write about.
I did research, wrote notes, and decided I would write about regret.
I wrote very little and before I knew it, it was time to listen to my EGCM class call.
My husband came home and asked me why I didn’t paint. I told him that since I didn’t go on retreat with my friend, I decided I needed to write a blog post. It was just last week that I told myself I would write a new blog post every week.
He asked me if I would have written one while at my friend’s.
“No,” I replied.
And then it hit me.
A giant “AHA!”
My unconditional loving soul was craving to paint. It simply wanted time for creative expression. But my ego had more important things to do than to nurture my soul. My ego loves to be in charge.
The truth is I haven’t been nurturing my soul much lately. I’ve been in full on “doing” mode. Doing for my family. Doing my school work. Doing, doing, doing for everyone and everything, except my beautiful soul.
Once again I am reminded that we teach what we most need to learn.
For years I have been meticulous about my self care, which included nurturing my soul. My soul care included meditation, writing morning pages, and getting outside in nature with my husband and our horses.
Looking back, I see a pattern of when I abandon my self care. I did it while taking care of my dad in his final days. After his transition, I continued operating in “doing” mode. I had to clean out his home and settle the details of his estate.
Once the dust settled and I resumed somewhat of a normal routine, I heard my sweet soul ask me, “Do you remember me?”
Oh, do I ever.
That gentle nudge got me back in my groove.
All was right in my world until my step dad got sick in January. Then I spent my days going to the hospital to sit with my mom…until he made his transition in February.
And so it goes.
This year has been full of doing, doing, doing for everyone and everything, except my beautiful soul.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a single moment of the “doing-ness”. It has been my greatest joy to be able to be of loving service to my family. I am grateful beyond measure that I have been in a position to have the freedom to help in their time of need.
I am grateful for my unconditionally loving soul who gently nudges me to nurture it when I have forgotten to do so.
It’s simple to realign with it and Spirit. All that I need to do is slow down and go within. It’s always there, waiting patiently for me to turn my attention within to hear it’s loving, still, small voice. And when I do, it’s pure magic. My cup is instantly refilled.
I am sorry that my precious friend is in the midst of a family emergency. AND I am grateful that my change of plans allowed me the opportunity to hear the loving whispers of my soul.
I am holding my friend and her family in my prayers and surrounding them in Spirit’s healing light. I trust that all is unfolding for them in Divine Order for the highest good for all.
What about you, my friend? In the midst of your busy life are you remembering to nurture your soul? If not, I invite you to do so right this moment.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breathe.
Turn your attention inside and tell it, “Thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for supporting me even when I haven’t nurtured you. I am listening. How may I serve you?”
Then listen.
It’s as simple as that.
Sending you my love.
