Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday because it’s about gratitude, togetherness, and is steeped in wonderful traditions.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am feeling a strange mix of emotions because our table will be missing some special people. Since so many of the elements that I think of as traditions are different this year, it’s bringing up feelings of grief and sadness for me.

This is the first Thanksgiving in years that we’re not celebrating in the home that we built and loved.

Instead, we’re in a rental house with a furnace that’s not working. As I write this I am waiting for a repair company to come diagnose (and hopefully fix) the problem. Otherwise it may be a chilly Thanksgiving in our house.

My stepdad made his transition in February. So, this will be the first Thanksgiving in years that he won’t be sitting next to my mom at the dinner table. He was a wonderful storyteller and a delightful man. He loved his family and we loved him.

His absence will be painful for most of us around the table. 

Also, we lost our beloved Standard Poodle Marley earlier this year. He was table height and he loved holiday meals. So he would go from person to person around the table hoping to find a few suckers who would share their feast with him.

As annoying as his begging was at our Thanksgiving table, we will miss him, too. 

Also, our oldest son, his wife, and their son are going to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter-in-law’s family. I know it’s every parent’s dream to have children who are happy, healthy, and off the payroll. He is all those, and for that, I am grateful. Even so, we will miss their presence at our Thanksgiving table.

Black Friday is the new Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Our youngest son’s significant other works in retail. Like most years she has to work on Thanksgiving Day. Somehow this year she is off on Friday. It’s been years since we’ve had the joy of having her at our Thanksgiving table. So that we can share Thanksgiving with her, this year our family is celebrating on Black Friday.

I know I’m not the only person who’s feeling grief and sadness this holiday season.

I have one friend who is recently divorced. Her daughters are spending Thanksgiving with their dad this year. Because she will be alone on Thanksgiving, she decided to volunteer to be on call at work. She believes work will be a good distraction to keep her from feeling sad and lonely on Thanksgiving. Rather than focusing on Thanksgiving, she is looking forward to having her daughters with her on Christmas.

I don’t want to sound like Debbie Downer, but I doubt her plan to avoid feeling sad and lonely will work. Chances are she won’t get through Thanksgiving Day without feeling some painful emotions.

Also, I have a client who’s mom made her transition early this year and she’s in the midst of deep grief. Additionally, she’s grieving her oldest son went away to college in the Fall. She is super excited that her son will be home for Thanksgiving, but she certainly feels her grief over her mom will be intense. She’s probably right.

Certainly my personal experience with grief is that the significant “firsts” are extremely difficult.

What’s your experience, Beautiful? Are you feeling a mixture of emotions about the upcoming holiday season?

Regardless of the transition, grief is almost always an emotion we feel.

HERE ARE 6 TIPS TO HELP YOU NOT ONLY SURVIVE, BUT THRIVE, THIS HOLIDAY SEASON:

1. Let go of your expectations

I’ve heard it said that expectations are premeditated resentments.

That has certainly been my experience.

If we’re lucky, kids leave the nest.

They may marry and start their own families. Therefore, they’ll most likely want to start their own traditions.

They will have to share their holidays with their in-laws. Also, in this age of blended families there can be a myriad of extended families that they want to share their time with.

Don’t take it personally if it’s not your turn in the rotation.

Sometimes traditions are great and other times we outgrow them. Life is constantly changing so stay flexible and go with the flow.

The only things you can control are your responses to the things that happen outside of your control.

2. Accept and allow your feelings

If you feel the floodgates of tears opening up, let them flow. It’s perfectly OK for you to feel your grief. So allow your tears to flow. If you’re grieving, you already know that by allowing the tears to come, the wave of grief will pass. Lean into it and feel it.

Alongside your grief, you may feel joy. It’s OK.

I’ve had clients and friends share with me that they feel guilty for feeling joy when their loved one is gone. Don’t judge yourself for feeling joy or any emotion.

Feelings are feelings. They ebb and flow.

Part of our human experience is having a vast range of emotions. Without grief and sadness you wouldn’t know joy and happiness. Embrace ALL your emotions.

3. Cherish and honor your memories of the ones you love that have gone before you

I will honor my stepdad by lighting a candle at our table and invite others to share a memory or story about him.

Perhaps you could do something similar or come up with your own special way to honor your loved one. You could have a chair at your table for them or serve their favorite dish.

4. Set personal boundaries

If attending a large gathering feels too much for you, say “No”.

Setting boundaries is an important part of self-love.

Well meaning family and friends may pressure you to attend an event because they don’t want you to be alone. Be true to yourself and honor your needs first.

It’s not selfish, nor is it your job to be responsible for other people’s happiness. It’s also not up to you to fulfill their expectations.

5. Get outside and move your body

Take a walk or a run.

Nature is healing. It soothes the soul. Allow it to work it’s magic on your heart and soul.

Leave your earbuds at home so you can fully open your senses to Nature’s music.

Listen to the sounds of the birds singing and the leaves crunching under your feet.

Breathe in fully, completely filling your lungs. Then exhale fully, completely emptying your lungs.

How many of your senses can you utilize to fully take in the moment? What do you see, hear, and smell?

6. Practice gratitude

I know this sounds cliché, but gratitude is one of my top 5 values. I am a big believer in practicing gratitude and it’s something I do daily. It’s impossible for me to not feel joy when I practice gratitude.

Don’t believe me?  Watch this powerful YouTube video of a Tedx Talk by Louie Schwartzberg.

CLICK HERE TO ACCESS VIDEO

Look around. There is so much to be grateful for.

My wish for you this holiday season is that you are around those most dear to your heart.

May you be mindfully present in the moment and cherish the many blessings of the day and this season.

I envision whatever is beautiful and meaningful to you be yours in abundance.

Share the love and gratitude that fills your heart with everyone you see.

Keep your family members and dear ones, past and present, that are not with you in your thoughts. Send them blessings of love, peace, health, and happiness.

Remember those less fortunate than you. Send them blessings for their needs to be satisfied and that they feel the Love that is in and around them.

May you remember that you are Love and that you are loved.

And may you keep your heart open and find common ground with all who are around your table.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

With love and gratitude,