I have a broken heart for my dear friend who lost her son to suicide three days ago. I can’t begin to fathom her pain, nor do I want to try to do so.
One minute she was enjoying time with her family over Thanksgiving weekend and in an instant her joy was gone.
Undoubtedly shock, numbness, disbelief, and horror replaced her joy after she learned that her son had taken his own life.
He left a beautiful 10 year old son behind.
My heart is broken into a million little pieces for that precious boy, too.
In an instant both of their worlds were turned upside down.
My friend became a full time custodial grandparent in an instant.
An instant is all it takes for our lives to be forever changed.
I wrote here, about the line in Mat Kearney’s song, “Closer to Love”. In it there’s a line that says, “I guess we’re all one phone call from our knees.” I am sure my friend would agree with that statement.
Most people have experienced grief from the death of a loved one since death and grief are part of the human condition.
It’s never easy to lose someone we love.
But, grief in the aftermath of suicide is in a league of it’s own. Suicide leaves loved ones with countless unanswered questions, such as:
“How did I not see this coming?”
“What could I have done to prevent this?”
“Why did he/she think ending his/her life was the only answer?”
With a natural death, such as illness, old age, or an accident, we can get our minds around the cause. But, it’s different with suicide because it’s so hard to understand why our loved one chose to end their life.
After my friend told me about her son taking his own life, I read several articles about grieving after suicide.
That makes sense because our brains want to understand things. Unfortunately, suicide is something that our brains can’t grasp.
I have another friend who’s son took his own life almost 10 years ago.
Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. I reached out to her to tell her I was thinking about her and sending her extra love and prayers for peace and comfort.
I know time dulls the pain of grief. But, I also know that birthdays, the anniversary of the death, and holidays are difficult regardless of how many years have passed.
I know grief well and I have written several posts about my personal journey with it. (See “Grief is My Teacher”, “Grief Became My Constant Companion in 2016”, “Grief is a Strange Emotion”, and “We’re All One Phone Call from Our Knees”.)
My brain wants me to believe that grief is grief, regardless of the loss, but my heart doesn’t believe my brain.
Like I said, I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, or anyone I love, to suicide.
Undoubtedly, grief after suicide is a complicated journey with many peaks and valleys.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and lessen the pain my friend is feeling, but I know that’s impossible. Instead, I will stand by her side and be her friend. There will be times that she wants to talk and there will be times that she pulls away.
I will hold space for her to grieve and in whatever way she needs to grieve.
I know that everyone grieves in a different way.
My prayer for my friends and all who are survivors of suicide is that they find peace and comfort.
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide or other causes please know that you don’t have to do it alone. I would love to support you or I can support you in finding a support group. Please reach out to me at lyn@beautifullyblissed.com.
Sending you my love,
