What Does Authenticity Mean, Anyway?

Somewhere along this midlife juncture, my Authentic Self (aka my soul) got my attention. It wasn’t a grab me by the shoulders and shake me kind of thing. It was more like hitting the snooze button on an alarm clock kind of thing.

One day I finally woke up from my unconscious slumber and realized time would run out for this body.

I was staring my physical mortality in the mirror and the decision was mine to make.

Was I going to continue living my life based on what I believed will deem me lovable by others?

Or was I going to remember my true essence and live my soul’s purpose?

I chose authenticity.

It’s a choice I make every day, oftentimes many times throughout the day. I spent enough years of my life dousing my inner flame to “earn” love and worthiness from others.

I’m committed to rekindling my inner flame and authenticity is one hell of a fuel.

So, what does authenticity mean, anyway?

In Brené Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, she states, “Choosing authenticity means:

• cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;

• exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and

• nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”

Authenticity is living in alignment with your values.

It’s being brave by taking off your masks, showing up as YOURSELF, and knowing you’re worthy.

Authenticity is saying “No” when that’s your truth. It’s letting go of the “should’s” and knowing you can’t and won’t try to please everyone.

When you’re authentic you’re allowing your deepest desires to spring forth. You’re living your true purpose, not your parents’, your spouse’s, or society’s.

Authenticity is allowing yourself to feel ALL your feelings. It’s being self-compassionate with yourself when you’re in pain or fear.

I’ll admit these aren’t easy tasks, but they’re self-loving tasks.

So how can you begin to practice authenticity?

Here are 7 things you can start doing that will help you to live in authenticity:

1. Slow down. When someone asks you to do something, take a deep breath and feel into yourself. Is it a “no” or a “yes”?

If it’s a “no”, say so. Then, take another deep breath. You don’t owe the other person an explanation. It’s also OK to ask for more time to think about the request. Tell them you’ll get back to them in the next day or two with your answer. I have found saying “no” is one of the hardest things I learned to do because I was so used to saying “yes”. 

2. Stand up for yourself and learn to ask for what you want. 

Surely you’ve learned by this point in your life, if you don’t, no one else will either.

3. Realize that you can’t control other people’s thoughts about you, so why not be yourself?

Give yourself permission to be yourself and allow others to do the same. It’s so freeing!

4. Do one thing every day that might even feel indulgent. Listen to your deepest desires and stoke that flame inside of yourself.

It may need rekindling, but I assure you it’s not out. Burn baby, burn.

5. Do you know what your core values are? If not, take some time to discover them. Your values are your compass.

People who live aligned with their values live in authenticity. Write down at least your top 5 values and make sure your decisions align with them.

6. Set boundaries and enforce them with others. It’s time to stop tolerating things from others that are intolerable to you.

You know where you need to set boundaries. Any place your energy level is drained in relationship with another person, is a place you need to set a boundary.

7. Become your own best friend and practice kindness and self-compassion with yourself.

Remember fear and pain are part of the human condition. Everyone feels them and you’re no exception. So, talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend who is struggling with something in her life.

Is authenticity worth it?

For me, hell yes.

If you’re still not convinced, perhaps these final words from Brené Brown will help:

“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.”

The choice is yours.

Sending you my love,