Hello, Beautiful!
My Equine Guided Women’s Empowerment group just wrapped up our 4th, of 6 weeks together on Saturday. I’m inspired by each of these amazing women for their courage and their commitment to heal their emotional wounds. It’s an honor and joy to witness their transformations. Among many things, one of the things I’m witnessing from each of them is that they’re giving themselves more self-compassion.
I believe self-compassion is a byproduct of doing the work to heal our emotional wounds and to align with our souls.
Many of the women my horses and I support are stuck in a loop of self-blame and punishment for things they did in the past.
The past is done and there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to change it, but oftentimes our brains stay fixated on it and our harsh inner-critic admonishes us for our “wrongdoings.”
Several weeks ago, I went out to feed our horses early one morning and found a snake in one of the horse’s stalls. I had 8 hungry horses on the other side of the gate, waiting to be let into their stalls to eat.
I went into panic mode and thought, “Snakes are predators to horses and horses will do anything for self-preservation.”
Pictures of the horse bolting out of her stall flashed through my mind and sent me into a panic. So, I decided I needed to kill the snake.
My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was terrified, but I did what I believed was the best thing to do at that moment to protect the horses.
Following the snake’s demise, I felt terrible for killing it. I thought I would feel better about killing it if I knew the snake was venomous. So, I posted pictures on Facebook to see if anyone knew what kind of snake it was.
The comments I received back were almost unanimous that I had killed a harmless, non-venomous, beneficial rat snake. Knowing that I felt worse.
Several days later I had a phone conversation with one of my dear friends and she told me to learn how to tell venomous snakes from non-venomous by the shapes of their head. She also shared that in the future, I could spray the snake with a garden hose, and it would move on.
I appreciated her sharing her snake knowledge with me, but I realized I still had a lot of pain and self-blame for killing the snake.
I shared that with her, and she told me to let it go and then she shared something that one of her friends used to say about mistakes,
“Be excited about your mistakes because that is how you learn.”
Then I immediately thought of the late, Maya Angelou’s quote,
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better.”
After our conversation, I gave myself some self-compassion. I also made a commitment to myself that if I found another snake in a horse’s stall, I would spray it with a garden hose to move it.
A week or so ago, I went to feed the horses before sunrise and I discovered another snake in the barn. I was grateful that Bryan hadn’t left for work yet and I ran into the house and said, “Snake!”
Bryan came out with me to relocate it and we couldn’t find it. After we were sure it wasn’t inside a stall, he went back into the house and I had a conversation with the snake. It went something like this,
“Mr. Snake, I want to coexist with you, but it would really help me if you’ll hide from me when I come inside the barn. I bet I scare you as much as you scare me. I welcome you to live here and I know there’s plenty for you to eat, but can we make that agreement?”
Since I had that conversation with him, I started announcing my entrance into the barn. “Mr. Snake, I’m coming in now. I’ll give you a few seconds to hide from me and the horses before entering.”
And the coast has been clear.
Until yesterday.
When I found my resident snake with a toad in his mouth. I looked at him and he looked at me as if to say,
“Hey, you’re kind of early this morning, aren’t you? As you can see I’m busy here. So, I won’t bother you or your horses if you leave me alone to enjoy my tasty treat.”
So, I did.
The horses came inside the barn and walked past him without seeing him. They did the same when I turned them back out to the pasture.
I forgave myself for killing the first snake and I’m grateful for the opportunity to “do better.”
What about you, Beautiful?
Do you play something you did in the past in a continuous loop in your mind? Isn’t it time to forgive yourself and give yourself some self-compassion?
You can’t change the past, but I believe you did the best you could at the moment.
Accept what is.
Practice self-compassion and trust yourself, because now that you know better you will do better.
If you’re in D/FW and want support to release feelings of shame, blame, or guilt, there’s 1 spot remaining in our upcoming 6-week Equine Guided Women’s Empowerment Group. Does it have your name on it? For more information, please email lyn@blissfulheartcoaching.com
If you’re not in the D/FW area and would like support from a certified practitioner in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method®, please click here for a listing of coaches by location.
Make it a great week and practice self-compassion. Remember, you’re in a continual process of evolution and when you know better, you’ll do better.
Sending you so much love,
